YuGiOhOh OhOhOh!
by The Helldragon
Summary: When the characters of YuGiOh and Bobobobo Bobobo collide...there will be property damage. The Helldragon returns to bring you this touching tale of nose hair and cards. And some other stuff. We don't know yet.
1. Prologue!

From the depths of internetless hell, I return! With no internet, there's nothing else to do but draw, write, and watch G4. On a whim of inspiration, I decided to begin typing this bizarre tale. Due to my current crisis, this will be updated on a "when I can" basis, and trust me, that won't be often. Don't expect any Reviewer Responses(tm) either. At least I'm writing something for a change, eh? I'm pulling out Fanfiction For Dummies while I update this so I can work on that too. But enough about me. Let's get this train-wreck a rollin'.

UPDATE: I just sold my soul to three free months of AOL. Yes, I'm THAT desperate. Hopefully I can update more, at least.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. I do own their illegiminate bastard child, however. But I don't actually look at it much.

* * *

**YUGIOH-OH OH-OHOH!**

**PROLOGUE: Standard Issue Introductory Sequence**

Once there was a man. I mean, he was a dragon man. Or maybe he was just a dragon. In any case, his name was Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, champion of all things that require shampoo for a silky shine. His adventures are many. His exploits are daring. His credit cards are Visa and American Express. But what happens when beings from another world rain in on his parade? And no, you can't say he uses an umbrella, because they're not really built to ward off solid human mass.

Give up?

Well, we thought you'd tell us the answer 'cause we don't know either.

BUT THAT'S OKAY. All things are mysterious until, in the fury of action lines, the truth is revealed. The future is built upon the choices we make, and in this world, each choice could very well be your last, so I'D THINK EXTRA HARD ABOUT THAT EXTRA EGG SANDWICH IF I WERE YOU WHICH I'M NOT BUT I USE YOU AS A METAPHORICAL EXAMPLE TO PROVE MY POINT!

BUT

ANYWAY.

This is a tale of Bobobo, his friends, and the abovementioned beings from another world. Yeah, they're kinda important, you know. Better take notes, for YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHEN THE NEXT TEST IS AROUND THE CORNER!

Quake in F.E.A.R...it's YUGIOH-OH OH-OHOH time, bitches!

----------

(I wanted to use little stars to seperate my sections but they won't let me use them any more. Damn fangirls and their caret, underscore, caret crap.)

We join, surprisingly enough, NOT Bobobo as you would have been expecting, but rather...

Don Patch.

"That's right!" With a frenzied, colored background behind him, Don Patch-a short, orange, spiky ball with hands and legs and egos that happen to be as big as his eyes, points his mysteriously gloved finger at us. "It's about time you focused more on me!"

Yes, Don Patch. We don't know how we could've started this episode without you.

"I personally don't know either," Don Patch replies, leaning back in his recliner in the library.

Wait a minute! Don Patch! It was YOU!

Don Patch apparently looks shocked. "Why, whatever do you mean?"

YOU did it! You killed Mr. Boddy in the library with the candlestick!

Crying, Don Patch drops the bloody candlestick and falls to his hands and knees next to Boddy's corpse. "All right, I admit it! It was me!" His eyes sparkle pitifully as he looks up at us. "But you don't understand! I needed the money! Without it, my son can't go to college and be a main character just like his dear Poppa Rocks!"

But...you're not the main character.

"EXACTLY!" He blows his nose on his dark violet robe. "I'm a loser, a failure! I just wanted to give my son the chance I never had!" Tears stream down his face. "I'm so SORRY!"

Behind him, a tall man cloaked in a shadowy robe-which surprisingly manages to cover his blond afro-manifests, holding a scythe. _DON PATCH!_

Startled, Don Patch turns around, and his eyes swell in horror. "...W-W-Who are you!"

_I am the ghost of Christmas Future!_ the grim figure pronounces. _And for killing Mr. Boddy, you must pay the ultimate price!_ A red glow gleams behind his sunglasses.

"NO!" Don Patch trips over Boddy's corpse, and tries to run, but slowly, the power of the grim figure pulls him closer. "NO!"

He holds up his hands in a feeble attempt to shield himself, but he knows it is futile. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

Suddenly, Don Patch wakes up in his bed in a frantic mood.

_What...what happened?_ Sweat glistened on his brow, his nightcap unadjusted. _It was...just a dream?_

Quickly he threw back the sheets and slipped his toes into waiting slippers, and runs to the window. Throwing it open, he looks down in the streets. "My boy! What day is it?"

The paper boy-his cap looking tiny as it sat on his afro-looks up at Don Patch through his sunglasses. "Why, it's Christmas Day, sir!"

"Excellent! Excellent!" Don Patch leaps and claps his feet together. "I know the truth now! From now on, I'll spread Christmas cheer everywhere I go!" Laughing, he runs out of the room, taking a moment to grab his cane and his tophat.

Well, it's seems like Don Patch learned the true meaning of Christmas that day. But you don't have to be scared shitless to learn the same lesson as he! Yes...I think, if we all pitch in, we can let everyone have a great Christmas! As the camera pans out to overtake the entire village skyline in its warmth, we wave. Merry Christmas, everyone, and to all, a good night!

"WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE!"

Suddenly, the film is halted, and on the scene walks a girl, sporting jeans and anime-standard pink hair. "Just what the heck are you doing? This has nothing to do at all with the fanfic!"

It does too!

"Does not!"

DOES TOO!

"DOES NOT!"

Beauty, listen. We're trying to tell these people what to expect.

She puts her hands on her hips. "By showing them the Christmas Carol?"

YES.

She blinks. "...I don't get it."

Just...sit back, Beauty. We can take care of it. Promise.

Beauty heaves a sigh. "All right." She begins walking off. "Just don't come crying to me when things go haywire!"

We won't!

Now that that's taken care of, let's get started with the story, okay?

"Hey!" Joey Wheeler interjects. "When do we come in?"

SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE!

"Oops!"

Damn it, now we have to wipe their minds!

Damn it, now we have to fix the mind-wiping equipment!

Damn it, now we have to wait until the hardware store opens!

Damn it, now we have to get a new tire!

Damn it-

----------

The screen goes black.

From offstage, Yugi Moto sighs, holding up a remote. "Let's just get to the story already."

He presses Play, and the story begins.


	2. Episode One!

I'm updating Episodes One and Two along with the Prologue. Because I'm NICE. Oh, and since I pretend to ignore the existence of Duel Masters, forgive me if I spell some of their card names wrong. Like I CARE.

UPDATE: The original version had a lot of clever spaces inserted, but unfortunately, HTML is a fickle little snot. Thus, the best way to read this fic is one line at a time. Seriously. It helps.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. I do own their illegiminate bastard child, however. But I don't actually look at it much.

* * *

**YUGIOH-OH OH-OHOH!**

**EPISODE ONE: The Power of the Mysterious Card! Matt and The Ninja's Mighty Duel Expressions!**

It was a normal day at the Kame Game Shop.

"Congratulations, Joey," Matt Willard quipped, his eyes going back to his duel with Serenity Wheeler, a most promising student. "You found a CARD. IN AN ALLEY."

Yep. Normal.

"Yeah, but there's somethin' about dis card," Joey Wheeler said, rotating and twisting the card so he could catch all of its angles. "It...well, it spoke ta me."

YEP.

Tristan Taylor clapped a hand on Joey's shoulder. "Joey, if you're on the sauce, I think you should lay off of it."

Nothin' weird happening here.

"But I like sauce! 'Specially barbeque."

"I must agree," Matt said. To Serenity, he muttered, "Silent Swordsman LV7."

DAMN IT, WHY HASN'T IT HAPPENED YET!

"What was THAT?" Yugi Moto said as he entered the den with drinks.

"What was what?" Tea Gardner asked, taking the awaiting Coca-Cola.

"That really loud scream."

"Oh, that?" Serenity laid a card facedown. "That's the narrator."

No, it's not.

"Dude, you've been talkin' for a whole half-hour now," Matt said. "We know you're here."

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!

"Whatever." Tristan sat cross-legged on the floor, near the table where Matt and Serenity's duel played out. "How'd you take out his Silent Swordsman?"

"I just used The Agent of Force-Mars after I used Dian Keto to increase my Life Points," Serenity explained.

"It was a good move, too," Matt agreed.

Humph. The foolish children may have ignored the narrator, but little did they realize of the incredible perils awaiting them. For the card Joey Wheeler found was no ordinary Duel Monsters card! **NO!** It was something of UNIMAGINABLE POWER!

"We can still hear you, ya know," Joey said.

Damn it! We whisper. (_It was something of UNIMAGINABLE POWER!)_

"Still hear it."

FINE. We go to the other room, and continue where we were RUDELY interrupted.

BEFORE THE DAY WAS OVER, Yugi and his friends would rue the day Joey Wheeler rummaged in the garbage! RUE! **RUE IT ALL! **AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"I think I should just go shoot that damn narrator," Matt muttered.

Just then, the card Joey had laid down on the side erupted into a burst of swirling light!

"OH MY GOD!" Matt bent down and picked something up. "I FOUND A PENNY!"

"What's happening!" Serenity cried out, and Tristan took this as the opportunity to wrap his manly arm around her shoulder.

From within Yugi's Millenium Puzzle, the Pharaoh Yami Yugi gasped. "I sense a great disturbance in the Force!"

"No, that's just gas!" Yugi explained as he was promptly sucked into the card.

"Bye, Mr. Moto!" Joey said as he was sucked in. "We'll be right back!"

"I like your new carpet!" Tea called out, and she was sucked in.

"Am I the only one who thinks this is a PROBLEM!" Serenity screamed angrily.

Matt folded his arms and glanced at Serenity, the card dragging him in. "Yes."

With a final cry, Serenity was dragged in as well. Tristan had to hold on, because, man, that was a great shot of her chest from here.

And so they all tumbled, tumbled down the rabbit hole

**OF DOOM**

toward this brave new world! What new challenges awaited them that could be solved by a simple game of Duel Monsters? Was there food where they were going, and if so, would it fit to Tea's restrictive diet? And by the Gods, what does this have to do with anything? Find out, next time on YUGIOH-OH OH-OHOH!

"Mr. Narrator, we've still got twenty minutes left," a stagehand reminds us.

We do? Ah, damn it. Put on a commcerial or something.

----------

SEX

----------

ANNNNNNNNND we're back.

Welcome back to YUGIOH-OH OH-OHOH! Just a few moments ago, we witnessed a great play! Let's look at that more closely.

Now, over here Matt and Serenity were playing Duel Monsters, when Joey comes in with that card, totally changing the direction of the scene! Despite some interference from the Narrator and Yugi's surprising drink entrance, everything went off smoothly for Joey's team, and with a play like that he's expected to make MVP for the third year.

Now let's get back to the story.

----------

When the ground eventually met up with Yugi and his friends, it didn't act very nice and hit them a lot harder than it should've.

"OW!"

As a result, the ground was placed in the penalty box, until he's thought about what he's done. Meanwhile, our now bruised heroes pick themselves up and exmaine the scene.

"Where the hell are we?" Matt asked, holding his aching head.

"A forest, maybe?" Tristan offered.

"Thanks, smartass."

"Oh, look!" Serenity pointed at a sign. "Here's a sign! Maybe this'll tell us where we are."

"Okay, how do signs work OTHERWISE, Serenity?" Matt snapped, obviously not in a good mood.

Yugi bent foward to look at the sign. "Well, anyway, let's see where we are."

It said:

WELCOME TO

A FOREST

"Well, that was a waste of time."

"You bet your ASS!" Matt promptly swung his fist near him.

"Matt, see this?" Joey held up a bit of air between his finger and thumb. "It's called a chill pill. So shaddup."

"Ugh. I'm sorry." Matt held his head. "That fall just hurt like hell."

Suddenly, three shruiken struck the dirt before him!

Well, more like they just kinda clattered there. It wasn't any sort of cool move where their tips stuck into the ground, just inches away from burying themselves in Matt's shoe. Nethertheless, the poor display of skill was enough to send everyone's gaze to a nearby tree branch.

...something crouched there.

It had arms and legs, but beyond the orange spikes and ninja outfit Matt couldn't tell what it was. With a cold, steady glare, it readied another shruiken. "You FIEND."

"What?"

"I could tell from the moment you arrived that you were of the cruel sort, but never would I have guessed just how much until I heard such harmful words coming from your mouth!" The ninja's gaze narrowed. "You DISGUST ME."

Matt glanced back and forth. "Um...you talkin' about me?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I-"

"FIEND!"

Matt paused, unsure of how to reply to that. He decided to just finish his original thought. "Look, I'm sorry, but I just fell a long way, and it hurt really badly. I apologized, though."

"He did." Tea nodded. "Though it had no feeling."

"Lies!" The ninja leapt from the tree, and landed solidly on the earth. "They're just protecting you! They don't know...what I know!" His eye twinkled.

"What do you know about me?" Matt asked.

The ninja held up a finger. "I know..."

The camera zoomed in REALLY CLOSELY.

"I KNOW YOU HAVE ONE OF THE WORLD GEMS!"

A pause.

After that, Matt laughed. "This guy's officially awesome."

"Don't play your GAMES!" the ninja shouted. He pulled out a deck of-what else?-Duel Monster cards. "Speaking of games, I challenge you to a DUEL!"

Matt's eye twinkled. "A DUEL, you say? Well, good thing I always have my trusty deck on me!" With a flourish, he pulled out his own deck.

"Matt, what the hell are you doing?" Tristan said. "You can't just duel him to settle your stupid argument!"

"Tristan, you had a duel to determine whether or not you were going to have a bowl of pork rinds."

"GO MATT!"

As the duelists readied their cards, as well as found a table, Yugi pondered. "Hmmm. Maybe we DO solve everything through dueling. Maybe we should use our brains and our brawn to solve our problems, just like our ancestors did before us!"

Tea and Joey just looked at Yugi before erupting in laughter.

"I'll start things off by summoning Horus the Black Flame Dragon LV4(1600/1000) to the field in attack mode!" Matt slapped down his card, and an image of the silver dragonling roared its tiny challenge behind him. "And I'll place one card facedown and end my turn."

The ninja chuckled. "Bad move! Now I'll tear you apart!" He held up his card. "I summon IMMORTAL BARON VORG(2000 ATK)!"

"What!"

"Go! Break his shield!" The huge mace-fisted warrior with 2000 points of power slammed his spiky fist down on Matt's facedown card, and destroyed it.

"Dude, you play DUEL MASTERS!" Matt snapped. "That game sucks!"

"N-No!" the ninja interjected. "You're LYING AGAIN!"

"No I'm-"

"FIEND!"

"No I'm NOT!" Matt drew his next card. "And I'll prove it by trashing your stupid Duel Monster ripoff card! I'll play Level Up, which allows me to advance Horus to his LV6 form without going through the requirements! Come on out, Horus the Black Flame Dragon LV6(2300/1600)!"

An aura of light overtook Horus LV4, and as he changed shape and increased in power, his LV6 form roared, this time with a more serious bass behind it. Matt continued rambling on like he did. "And Horus's effect prevents any Spell Cards from being used on him!"

The ninja gasped. _No! Duel Masters has Spell cards, too!_

Matt's stride kept right on going. "Now here comes Cost Down! By discarding a card from my hand, I can lower the level of all monsters in my hand by 2! And, since I didn't play a Normal Summon already, I can bring out Silent Swordsman LV5(2300/1000)!"

"Wait a minute," the ninja interrupted. "Shouldn't he be called 'Silent Swordsman LV3'?"

"Why's that?"

"Well, you lowered him to level 3, and since part of his name comes from his level, I would've thought the name would be changed too."

"Nah. There's already a Silent Swordsman LV3, anyway."

"Oh, okay." The ninja's eyes widened. "OH, CRAP!"

"Now, Horus, attack his Immortal Baron Vorg!" Powerful flames overtook the Duel Master monster and destroyed it. Matt waved with his hand. "Hit him hard, Silent Swordsman LV5! Mach Blade Striker!"

Silent Swordsman LV5 dashed foward at supersonic speeds and pierced the ninja with the power of fakeness, and the blow was so great that two of the ninja's shields flew high. "Wait! How did you break two shields at once!"

"How did you manage to play Immortal Baron Vorg in a game of Duel Monsters without being penalized by the elite gods of gaming?"

"Touche." One of the shields flew to the ninja's hand. "Unfortunately, one of my shields was a Shield Trigger, and this particular one is the mighty Bolshack Dragon! Come out and win this duel for me!"

"I don't think so!" Matt's trap flipped up. "I play Drop Off, which makes you discard the card you just drew!"

"Gah!" The ninja discarded the mighty dragon, growling. "You're good."

"Thank you."

"But..." The ninja grinned evilly. "Now I think it's time I stopped holding back on you."

Matt laughed. "Stopped holding back? And here I thought you just sucked!"

"Oh, but I have been holding back," the ninja explained. "I've been testing your skill-and now that I've seen it, it's time to play my strongest card!"

The ninja spread his arms and laughed. Behind him, the background moved to more sinister colors. "And when I play it, this duel will be OVER!"

As the camera showed Matt's slightly nervous face, the ominous writing of "TO BE CONTINUED" appeared under his chin, ready to draw us into this tension-filled cliffhanger.

----------

Oh, no, what has Matt gotten himself into? He was doing well now, but for some reason, the ninja's declaration of his strongest card could put him on edge! It's too bad that union rules force us to end this episode here right before the most dramatic moment, but that's Hollywood for you! Join us next time for:

_EPISODE TWO: Introducing the Fist of the Nose Hair! The Battle With Dramatic Implications!_

Read it, or we'll KILL YOU!


	3. Episode Two!

I'm updating Episodes One and Two along with the Prologue. Because I'm NICE.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. I do own their illegiminate bastard child, however. But I don't actually look at it much.

* * *

**YUGIOH-OH OH-OHOH!**

**EPISODE TWO: Introducing the Fist of the Nose Hair! The Battle With Dramatic Implications!**

_Placing characters where they don't belong, it's Matt Willard and Serenity Wheeler!_

"There are some sharks I refuse to jump," Matt said, leaning back in his chair.

Serenity smiled at the camera. "Welcome to F-Play, the show where we mercilessly review fanfiction for your sadistic amusement."

"Guess what?" Matt asked. "'It's Hard To Be Snape's Daughter' still sucks!"

"For the fifth time, we know," Serenity replied. "Now, here at F-Play, we recognize the unsung heroes of fanfiction."

"Usually the people who write good ones," Matt commented.

"True. One of these heroes is, not surprisingly, The Helldragon."

"He's known for placing characters in situations where they normally don't belong, and, more importantly, his ridiculous sense of humor," Matt explained.

"We first recognized his questionable genius in Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction For Dummies and shivered to the prose of the as of yet uncompleted Hive of Darkness trilogy," Serenity continued.

"Wasn't he going to turn you into some sort of spider thing in that one?" Matt asked.

She shrugged. "So I hear. Anyway, he's back!"

"With a VENGEANCE!"

Serenity smiled again. "Join us as we review 'YuGiOh-oh Oh-ohoh" for the PC!"

----------

"Now it's time to finish you off!" the ninja declared, holding up his best card, and then logically slamming it down. "I play the FORGET YOU, DUDE, IT'S OVER CARD!"

Flashes of lighting rebounded in the background behind everyone present at the duel. It looked pretty sweet, too. We gotta do that more often.

"Oh, no! Not the FORGET YOU, DUDE, IT'S OVER CARD!" Joey wailed. "ANYTHING BUT THE FORGET YOU DUDE, IT'S OVER CARD!"

"What does that do?" Serenity asked.

"PFFT." He shrugged. "I dunno. But I'll bet he'll have to explain such a card in excruciating detail."

The ninja's evil grin grew wider. "This card has so much excruciating detail, I can't help but grin!"

"Oh, big whoop!" Matt snapped. "Don't tell me a card with a crappy name is your best card!"

"I will tell you just that! The FORGET YOU DUDE, IT'S OVER CARD has an incredible special ability that rivals even the Egyptian God Cards!"

A flash of lighting rebounded behind Matt as his eyes widened. Man, that's a great looking effect!

_The Egyptian God Cards? But...how does he know about those? Could he...could he be who I think it is!_

"What's this great ability, then?" Matt asked, trying his best to look as cool as he could muster.

"First, we have to reset the fields by shuffling our hands and monsters into our decks!" the ninja said. Pouting, Matt returned his awesome monsters and awesome hand to his awesome deck, and shuffled. Awesomely.

"Next," said the ninja, "we each draw five cards!"

They did so.

"Next, we discard our entire hands!"

They did so.

"Next, I draw until I get a monster, and play it, then return all the extra cards I drew to my deck and shuffle it!"

The ninja did so.

"Next, you have to discard one card from your deck for every 1000 ATK points my monster has!"

Matt did so.

"Next, you get to draw a new hand, discard it, then Special Summon a monster from your Graveyard, then destroy it to draw a card!"

Matt did so.

"Next, I have to destroy my monster, then we both flip a coin, and if it's on heads, we get to Special Summon a monster from our Graveyards, then sacrifice it to Special Summon a monster from our Deck, which we then use to attack each other!"

They did so.

"Next, I can make you do any one of my chores, and if not done to my satisfaction, you must decrease your Life Points by 1000 points!"

Matt did so, and the dishes were excessively dirty that night after the party.

"Next, we must play a game of Operation, and if you fail to retrieve the Charlie Horse on your first attempt I can remove it without any sort of penalty and automatically collect the money for a successful attempt!"

Yugi sighed, and sat cross-legged on the dirt, leaning against a tree. "How long is this gonna go on?"

"Until one of them flinches!" Tristan narrowed his eyes at the players. "It's like Chinese Water Torture! Matt knows something he's not telling us, and the ninja's trying to extract it! If Matt can't hold his water, then he'll spray it EVERYWHERE!"

"But, how can Matt beat a card with such excruciating detail?" Tea asked.

"I don't know..." Joey buried his face in his palm. "I just don't know."

Finally, after what seemed like an eternal cycle of effects, Matt held up his hand. "ENOUGH!"

"WHA!" A flash of lightning rebounded behind the ninja.

"I know your game," Matt explained, smirking. "In fact, I know how you work as a human being just by this one card!"

"Impossible!" More and more flashes of lighting! "You don't know anything!"

"I do!" Matt pointed at the FORGET YOU, DUDE, IT'S OVER CARD. "You ride on one card, one strategy, to take you down the easy road every time." He clenched a fist over his chest. "But dueling's all about a variety of cards and strategies, and most importantly, the friends you have!" Matt looked proudly to his friends, and smiled, and accepted their warm expressions. "My friends have helped me through the toughest times, and with them, I don't need any stinkin' ultimate victory card like you need to go on!"

"NO!"

Matt swiveled around and pointed at the ninja. "I know who you REALLY ARE, Ninja! Or should I say..."

Here it comes...

Wait for it...

Almost...

"_YAMI MARIK!_"

There we go.

The ninja paused, and slowly, he chuckled. "So you figured it out."

OH MY GOD I LOVE LIGHTNING FLASHES

"Yami Marik!" Yami gasped as he quickly took over Yugi. "It cannot be!"

The ninja ripped off his outfit, and there stood Yami Marik in his trademark attire and spiky golden hair, and no one noticed he was still stocky and spiky and orange. "Oh, but it is, Pharaoh! You thought you disposed of me, but little did you realize that I CAN NEVER DIE!" His face promptly twisted in a mad expression of pure insanity.

"You FIEND!" Yami stepped foward, fists clenched. "How DARE you try to harm my friends again! I'll-"

"Wait, Yami!" Matt interrupted, holding up his hand. His voice lowered to almost a whisper. "I'll take care of this."

The Pharaoh locked eyes with the young warrior, and nodding, he stepped back. With Yami's blessing, Matt turned back toward his opponent. "Now...I think it's time I won this duel!"

"You FOOL!" Yami Marik's toothy grin smiled wide and sinister. "You can't hope to match my power!"

"Yes..." Matt locked eyes with the villian. "I can."

"WHAT!"

OMGLIGHTNINGFLASH

"I haven't done it before, but these are desperate times, as the cliche goes," Matt said. A light wind blew in as he continued. "Now I must use this power, and I'll use it to defeat you!"

"Impossible!" Yami Marik swept his white gloved hand. "There's no way you can beat me!"

"Not by myself, no..."

The wind suddenly grew fierce, and like energy, it drew toward Matt. His hair began to kick up in the strong breeze. "But with this legendary power, I WILL TRIUMPH!"

Yami Marik gasped. _NO! IT...CAN'T BE!_

Matt screamed with all his rage, and a golden aura of energy exploded around him.

_NOT THE LEGENDARY SUPER SAIYAN!_

As Matt hollered his power grew. His hair rose and rose, stiffening, and suddenly their strands were gold, standing on end in a varied array of spikes, with only a few golden hairs flopping in front of his glasses. Matt's glare rolled on his opponent, and underneath his blue eyes, he smirked, showing off his greatly empowered cheekbones.

_I thought I had the advantage!_ Yami Marik thought frantically. _But...how could I have known this boy possessed the legendary power!_

"What's...what's happening to him?" Serenity asked in awe.

"He's gone Super Saiyan!" Tristan blinked, astounded. "But...I thought that could only happen once every thousand years!"

"What are you TALKING about, Tristan!" But Tristan was too astounded to do nothing more than blink, so Serenity looked toward the arena for answers.

When Matt spoke, he sounded more confident, more powerful. "I realize the heights of your hair are a force to be reckoned with, Yami Marik, but my golden Super Saiyan locks easily surpass your feeble imitation!"

_Damn! He's right! My hair looks a lot like Super Saiyan hair, and has fooled many others, but against the real deal, it's POWERLESS!_ Nethertheless, Yami Marik regained his composure. "So WHAT if you're a Super Saiyan? My FORGET YOU, DUDE, IT'S OVER CARD is still on the field, and every turn, if you fail to draw a Spell card, you run the risk of AUTOMATICALLY having to scrape the bunions off my feet with this tiny toothbrush!" He threw it in Matt's face. "YOU CAN'T WIN!"

Matt chuckled as the toothbrush bounced harmlessly off. "You think your FORGET YOU, DUDE, IT'S OVER CARD will save you from my power?" The camera zoomed WAY CLOSE to his eyes. "What if I told you that there is a more powerful card?"

"Im-Impossible!"

"Ever since its dynamic introduction in _Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction for Dummies_, the idea of this all powerful card has been shamelessly copied," Matt explained, talking with his eyes closed like they do in anime though you never really saw that in real life. "In various names and forms it existed, but they all were philistines compared to the original! Even your FORGET YOU, DUDE, IT'S OVER CARD is just one of its bastard children!"

"What!" Tenderly Yami Marik gazed at his prize card. _FORGET YOU, DUDE, IT'S OVER...I had no idea there was something out there more powerful than you..._

The card nodded, and slowly, a tear dripped down its cardboard face. Yami Marik picked up the card. _Oh, don't cry._ He held it close. _I don't care if you're a copy. I love you for who you are._

"NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO MEET THE GRANDDADDY OF ALL INSTANT WIN CARDS!" Matt screamed, power exploding around him. Veins bulged from his forehead and neck as he reached for the top of his deck. _I've got to draw the right card, or Yami Marik will win this duel! I can't afford to lose now!_

He held his free hand high. _Everyone, please...give me your energy!_

All around the land, the people and the animals heard the Super Saiyan's cry, and in unison, raised their arms. From their fingers, tiny spheres of light blue light sailed high, high into the heavens, blending with the winds. Matt's friends joined the effort, sending their life force at the mighty warrior, whose next draw influenced the fate of the world. From all around, the life streams flowed to his fingers, charging him with the power he needed to win.

"I PLAY..."

He drew his last card and held it high, an aura of light gleaming around it.

"_THE FUCK YOU, BITCH, YOU'RE DEAD CARD!_"

**I NEED LIGHTNING FLASHES TO LIVE**

"NO!" Yami Marik shouted. "THIS CANNOT BE!"

As Super Saiyan Matt slammed down the Fuck You, Bitch, You're DEAD card, a burst of powerful green light exploded from its well-illustrated card face. As the light flared, an armored knight slowly descended from the heavens, his armor and weapon being the insignia of the most powerful finger of all-the middle one.

"The Fuck You, Bitch, You're DEAD card is truly unstoppable!" Matt explained triumphantly. "It cannot be countered or negated in any way, and when it's played, it destroys every card on your side of the field!"

Yami Marik shielded himself with his gloved hands as the knight snapped his fingers, and every single card in Yami Marik's shield zone, monster zone, and mana zone was utterly obliterated by really compact napalmic power. Through the rising smoke, he saw Matt continue, pointing a finger. "AND when it's done, the Fuck You, Bitch, You're DEAD attacks you directly for INFINITY DAMAGE!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yami Marik screamed.

"ATTACK, MY KNIGHT!" Matt commanded.

**"BLOW**

**OF**

**THE**

**FUCK!"**

At once, the emerald knight rushed Yami Marik. The evil spirit was struck from all sides by a million slashing, stabbing, crushing attacks (cubed)-but the final blow came when the knight pulled out a .44 Magnum like Dirty Harry, pointed it at the nearly beaten Yami Marik...

and fired.

The

world

went

into

slooooooooooooow

mmmmmmmmmmotion

as

Yaaaaaami

Mmmmmarik

felt

the finnnnnnnnnnal

blllllllllllow

strike

him

haaaaaaaaaaaaarddddddddddddd.

_Dun dun._

_Dun dun._

_Dun dun._

A heart beat steadily in the background as Yami Marik clenched his orange chest, and coughed. "...damn...you..."

And then when time sped up again he collapsed and hopefully died.

The power of the Fuck You, Bitch, You're DEAD card faded, as well as Matt's Super Saiyan power. He smiled as his knees buckled. "Heh."

"MATT!" Yugi cried out, tears streaming down his boyish face as Matt Willard collapsed to the hard, cold dirt.

----------

Fortunately, a punch to the face wakes anyone up.

"OW!" Matt swore, grabbing his face. He glared at Joey, who had thrown the punch. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!"

Joey shot a glance at Tristan. "Well, we were gonna use some river water and wake you up, but TRISTAN over here insisted that we boil it first..."

"It could have germs! You want him to catch something? Be my GUEST!"

"I WILL!"

"How many in your party will be staying with us this evening?" Tristan asked, dressed in a sharp bellhop uniform.

"Two, please," Joey replied, placing a hand on Serenity's arm to make sure she was with him.

Quite an awkward moment followed.

"...um...what just happened?" Serenity asked.

"I...don't know." Joey sat down on a convienent tree stump. "I've been feelin' weird ever since we hit this joint."

"Agreed. I'm feeling weird too. Well, weirder, but you get the idea." Matt sat up and glanced over to the stumps where he had dueled. "Oh, did I beat him?"

"You mean you don't REMEMBER!"

"NO, Tristan! I got knocked out, and then I was punched in the face! People kinda tend to focus on that more!"

"Oh, I'll go look!" Tea said in a huff, and walked over to the stump.

Just then, a random assortment of twisty lines flew off of Yugi's head. _My Spider Sense! It's tingling!_ He looked over to the dueling arena. _The STUMP!_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yugi yelled as he flew at Tea. Not...literally, mind you. Like...a flying leap. Do I really have to explain this to you people? You're all smart, intellegent human beings. I think.

Tea turned around just as Yugi crashed into her, sending her metaphorically flying as well. Just then, the timer on the side of the tree stump hit zero, and it exploded, sending chunks of bark and forgotten cards flying in all directions!

"AHHH! MY EYE!" Joey covered his eye, struck randomly by a bit of wood.

"Oh my God!" Serenity looked over at the flattened Tea and Yugi, then to the remaining fire that took the place of the stump. "How did that happen?"

Just then, from the blazing inferno, a figure shrouded in flames leapt at our heroes, a wild, sinister cackling rising into the air! "SURPRISE!"

"It-It can't be!" Matt gasped. "I...I defeated you!"

"I told you! Yami Marik NEVER DIES!" Landing, the orange villian laughed, and held up a golden staff, an eye at the end staring eeriely at the group. "Now I'll take all of your souls with my Millenium Rod!"

"No! You can't!" Tristan shouted.

"TOO LATE!" The center of the eye glowed. "PREPARE TO-"

----------

Ah, MAN! I hate it when they go to commercial just as the good part's coming on!

Might as well go to the bathroom...

(flush)

Ahh...

Ooh, that looks like a good game. I should go get that.

OOH, IT'S STARTING! YAY!

----------

"PREPARE TO DIE!"

Screaming, our hapless, helpless heroes hid behind their hands, unable to do anything but cower before the might of Yami Marik.

**WHEN**

**ALL**

**OF**

**A**

**SUDDEN...**

_"Fist of the Nose Hair!"_

In the most dramatic display of action our limited special-effects budget can afford, two whipping strands of hair swept in from nowhere and struck Yami Marik from both action-packed sides, almost popping his eyes out of his sockets, twisting the villian all about before he landed on the ground with a tremendous smash.

As Yami Marik stood up, his hair...well, it fell down, and revealed the kind of creature the villian really was-a small, stocky, and orange ball-like creature with short arms and legs, and spikes coming out of his back.. "Hey!" Joey whined. "That's not Yami Marik!"

"Really?" Tea sat up and placed a hand on her head, oblivious to Yugi lying across her lap-a position he did not want to leave any time soon. "What gave you that idea?"

The thing-ninja, evil spirit, whatever-glared up at the source of the attack with his big angular eyes. "I had a feeling YOU were behind this!"

Standing on the same tree trunk was a man-quite tall, and rather strong-looking. The most distinguishing features he possessed was a instantly-noticable blond afro. And, for some reason, he was wearing the exact same outfit as Yugi wore, though, in this case, it looked like he was imitating Yami more. His square face turned around, and an extra bit of hair on his forehead was shaped in the exact pattern of Yugi's hair, golden bangs and all.

The gaze behind his sleek sunglasses narrowed at the orange...thing. "Your reign of terror is over, Don Patch," he stated in a moderately deep tone. "Today, I will defeat you and save mankind!"

----------

Lo and behold! What could this newcomer be? Is he a hero? A villian? The narrator's crazy brother who kills people and then steals their identities? I'm sure we don't know the answers to that, but YOU might! I mean, you're all smart, intellegent human beings-at least, some of you are! In any case, be sure to join us next time for:

_EPISODE THREE: Twin God Fusion Miracle! Sampling of the Legendary Buttcheek Power!_

We give it 3 random lightning flashes

**PLEASE, GIVE ME SOME MORE LIGHTNING FLASHES! I'LL DO ANYTHING!**

out of 5.


End file.
